A Letter To My Younger Self

Dear 25-year-old Charlie,

Let’s get right to it. I know you have two burning questions about your future.  

First, are you happy?

The short answer to that is yes.

Second, are you skinny? 

I know this question is hard to read and you don’t want to admit that it’s all you think about. But it’s all you think about. And I hate that for you.

I know when I tell you being skinny doesn’t matter and it won’t make you happy, you won’t believe me. Because to you, right now, it’s all that matters. 

But all of your pain and anxiety and depression stems from this one thing.

Being skinny will not solve your problems. 

And neither will drinking alcohol. You have all these big dreams and goals and ambitions. You won’t achieve any of it if you keep drinking every night. I know you’re surrounded by people who normalize over-drinking, but blacking out is not normal. The more you rely on alcohol to relieve your discomfort in your own skin, the less chance you have of doing anything in this life that you’re proud of.

I bet when you opened this letter you thought I’d talk about who you end up with, where you are, and what your job is. But none of that matters as long as you are obsessed with the number on the scale. I know you thought you were at your happiest when you were 21 years old and weighed 110 pounds. But Charlie, you were not happy. All you were doing was thinking about what you were going to eat, what you were not going to eat, and how to stay 110 pounds. That was not living. 

I need to quickly mention your finances. Nobody in your life has given you sound guidance and that’s not your fault. But you need to make a plan to pay off all your debt. And yes that includes your college debt. You can’t keep paying only the minimum or you’ll be in debt for the rest of your life and that’s just stupid. 

I know you want to “pretend” you have money and live your life and enjoy it, but you’re not enjoying it, anyway. There’s a weight on your shoulders and it won’t go away until you’re debt-free. 

You like to ignore things and hope they go away on their own but that has never worked out for you. As hard as you try to ignore it, it’s always there in the back of your mind. Why do you think you have so much anxiety?

I’m not going to waste time talking about Nick because deep down, you know how that relationship turns out. 

One last thing: keep writing.

Love you so much,

Charlie