When will I have sex again?
My husband and I had a baby two months ago and we have still not had sex.
Clinical psychologist and marital therapist Sam Hamburg defines lasting love as best friendship + sex:
“You have to be as intentional in maintaining the sexual aspect of your relationship as you are in maintaining any other aspect of your marital relationship.”
Sam and I have been focused solely on the parenting aspect of our relationship.
Everything revolves around the baby. “We have to feed him, let’s put him down for a nap, his diaper needs to be changed. Why won’t he stop crying? What is this yellow stuff between his eyes? Babe, look! Look how cute he is!”
It’s not that my relationship with Sam isn’t important. We both know it’s important. The problem is that we think our relationship is strong enough that we don’t need to worry about it, but that’s a slippery slope. Your relationship is either growing or it’s dying - gradually at first and then all of a sudden.
I knew sex wouldn’t happen right away. For the first month I was wearing adult diapers because of all the blood. It was a mess down there. And I had a natural birth with no stitches so I can’t imagine how much longer the recovery might be for other women.
Then I got cleared by my doctor for sex. Hooray!
...That was a month ago. Still no sex.
Why?:
- I used to view the bed as a place for two things - sex and sleep. But lately I only see it as a place for sleep. By the time I finally lay down all I want to do is one thing. I’m tired. I’m so, so tired.
- And then there’s the matter of the baby who sleeps in a bassinet right next to our bed. Do we just have sex with him right next to us? Is that weird?
I miss sex. And I miss my best friend. And my parents are visiting so it’s definitely not going to happen this week.
Next week. Next week I am going to have sex with my husband. We will schedule it one day. In the afternoon. And we’ll turn the sound machine on really loud so the baby can’t hear.
Maybe that doesn’t sound romantic. But it does sound like a plan.
